Insufferable KnowItAll
by AmyCoolz
Summary: or "5 People Spock Had to Correct and 1 Who Corrected Him". K/S slash


1) Sulu

* * *

"I don't recognize this species of plant," Sulu commented, running his tricorder over the specimen.

Spock walked over and took a look at the pilot's findings. "Its leaves have veins, it produces seeds as a way of reproduction, but it can also be pollinated. It is also… carnivorous."

They watched as the plant snatched up a bug and "ate" it; Spock raised a brow.

"I am going to classify it as… gymnosperm?"

"Negative. It is asexual." He glanced at Sulu, daring the helmsman to deny his logic; when Sulu stayed silent he stood from his crouching position and went off to analyze some unknown element in the rock.

The pilot looked back at the plant as it chomped down on a spider. "Gross."

* * *

2) Chekov

* * *

While Kirk was down on Deck Four helping Scotty work on one of the Jefferies tubes, Spock took over command of the bridge. All was quiet and there was nothing going on outside, so the crew was engaging in small talk with each other.

"Pavel, I don't mean to cramp your style, but 'coast-to-coast' was _not_ a Russian-made phrase. That clearly refers to the United States."

"Vell, maybe not, but 'cramp your style' vas definitely Russian inwention."

Sulu stared at him incredulously. "You're serious?"

"Wery."

The pilot shook his head and turned back to his station. "I'm sure you think that 'coming out of the closet' is a Russian phrase, too?"

"Vell, yes."

"Actually, Mr. Chekov, that phrase originated in the United States in the early 20th century from an analogy that likens homosexuals' introduction into gay subculture to a débutante's 'coming-out party'."

They both turned to Spock, who was sitting in the Captain's chair. "See?" Sulu said, a big grin on his face. "I told you it wasn't a 'Russian inwention'."

Chekov looked heart-broken as he turned back to his station. "It is Russian inwention…"

* * *

3) Scotty

* * *

Spock was spending the day down in engineering, helping Scotty repair the warp drives, when the Scotsman had a brilliant (but, Scotty thought, an impossible) idea. "What if there was a way to increase the maximum speed while at warp without draining our supply of dilithium crystals?" He talked with his hands, waving them around the engineering deck. "It cannae possibly happen, though. The physics doesn't exist yet. I cannae change the laws of physics!"

"On the contrary," Spock said, and walked over to the computer console Scotty was standing in front of; he pressed a few buttons on the screen, typed some equations on the keyboard, and then linked the whole system up to the warp drives. He stepped back and let Scotty review his work; he knew it was illogical to feel pride at what he'd done, but… he just proved that it was possible to change the laws of physics.

"I cannae believe it!" The engineer turned to Spock and beamed. "It's brilliant!"

"Mr. Scott, would you be able to finish the work on the warp drives if I retire early?"

"Of course!" He was still reeling from the equations Spock had come up with.

"Then I shall retire."

He left engineering and could hear Scotty still muttering under his breath, "Brilliant!"

* * *

4) Dr. McCoy

* * *

"Spock, it's time for your annual checkup." Bones's gruff voice floated out of the communicator, echoing about in his room. "Getcher ass down to MedBay now before I hafta send security to come get you."

"Doctor McCoy, there will be no need to send security; I shall comply with your orders."

Five minutes later Spock appeared in MedBay, and McCoy immediately was hovering over him with a tricorder. "It's about damn time, Spock. You know how long I've been tryin' to get you down here?"

"Approximately 5.394 months, doctor."

Bones gave him a death glare. "Your blood pressure is abnormally high for a Vulcan, Spock." His voice got softer. "You feelin' okay?"

"I do not feel ill, doctor, if that is what you are implying."

"It could be an underlying problem, Spock. I'm just gonna put you on leave for a day or two, then you come back and-"

"Doctor McCoy," Spock said, hopping down from the biobed he was sitting on. "I am not ill, nor do I need leave for two days. I will go meditate and then I will be fine." And he left, not giving the doctor a chance to respond.

Bones's right eye twitched in annoyance. "Goddamned green-blooded hob-goblin…"

* * *

5) Uhura

* * *

"Hey there," Uhura said cheerily, setting her tray down in front of Spock's on the table in the mess hall; her long ponytail swung back and forth as she took the seat across from him.

"Good afternoon, Nyota," he said calmly, placing another piece of fruit in his mouth.

She tucked into her meal, but something had been on her mind for the past few days. "Spock," she said, gaining his attention, "I came across a word in my readings the other day, but I don't know what it means. I couldn't find even a remote definition in any of Starfleet's dictionary files and the Universal Translator seems unable to define it."

Spock put his fork down on his plate lightly and regarded Nyota patiently. "May I inquire as to what the word is?"

"It was… 'tyla'… or something."

The Science Officer raised a brow; Uhura knew it was his way of widening his eyes comically. "I see, but the correct pronunciation is 'tuh-hy-luh'."

"Oh. Well, what does it mean?"

He was silent before placing his napkin on the table and standing up. "I apologize for my abrupt departure, Nyota, but I must retire to my quarters." Without waiting for a response, he left.

Uhura was left sitting at the table, confused and slightly miffed. "I still want to know what it means, dammit."

* * *

+1) Jim

* * *

"Jim, I do not see why it is necessary to prepare me when Vulcans have the ability to control muscle movement. It is an illogical waste of time."

"Shut up, Spock, and just let me prepare you." When Spock opened his mouth to speak again, Jim shut him up with a kiss. "You'll like it, I promise."

Spock was still skeptical, but he kept his mouth shut. When he felt Jim's index finger, coated in lube, at his entrance, he forced his muscles to relax. But instead of breaching, the finger circled the tight ring of muscles while his other hand massaged his left buttock. Jim's breath was coming out in short, hot puffs of air against the small of his back, creating stimulating sensations Spock had never felt before.

After five minutes of teasing, Jim finally allowed the finger to slip through and into his lover's body; he crooked it, rubbing against the upper wall of Spock's chamber. His First Officer bucked his hips into the bed beneath him, and then pushed back against Jim's hand. Jim grinned and repeated the motion, eliciting a similar reaction.

"I take it you like this," he whispered, placing an open-mouthed, wet kiss to the back of Spock's neck.

"It is… stimulating," he gasped out.

Jim pushed another finger in, moving both of them in a scissor-like pattern. "I wonder if I can make you come using just my fingers in your ass."

"That is highly improbable."

"Oh, really? Care to make that a challenge?" And he didn't allow Spock a chance to reply because he stuck one more finger in and started massaging anywhere he could touch. Spock was putty underneath him, writhing and moaning and pushing back against those skillful fingers; Jim brushed against one particular spot inside of him and he suddenly couldn't take it any longer. He bucked down into the bed before releasing himself, the sticky mess clinging to the sheets and his abdomen.

The fingers pulled out and Jim pressed a kiss to Spock's temple as he lay down beside him, grinning. "I guess that means I win."


End file.
